8 Ways to Develop Your Identity After Sports
Misty Buck: HOFBH Athlete Mental Health Coach
“I don’t know who I am anymore.” Many athletes have this same feeling once their playing days are over. A sense of a loss of your identity can feel like a monumental—if not insurmountable—hurdle during the transition into life after sports. What’s most important to know, is that this stage of your life is temporary and that it’s possible to move through the process to a positive path that is gratifying.
At times, life after sports might feel aimless or like it lacks purpose. You might also struggle with the fact that everything you’ve worked so hard for is suddenly gone after you’ve put in endless hours, effort, and sacrifices. It can at times feel like a sense of betrayal because the physical abilities that you relied on for so long are no longer enough. Plus, you put everything into your game, and it can be overwhelming to feel like you left everything you had there.
You might think, “If I’m not a football player, who am I?” Losing your sense of yourself can be a really scary experience because it can feel disorienting. It’s no wonder that depression is common in retirement from sports. Luckily, there are support systems available as well as steps you can take to move forward as you grow into the next stage of your life.
8 tips to help you develop your identity after sports:
Identify other gifts and talents that you have. Think about activities and interests outside of your sport or even different roles in sports. Consider asking friends and loved ones what they think your talents are. Explore your interests.
How can you serve others? Not only is there gratification in being of service to other people, but it can help fulfill a sense of purpose and lead to other doors opening.
Know that you’re still you. Change is scary, but at the heart of it, you’re still you. You’ll always be an athlete, even if you aren’t actively playing anymore. You have the same personality, heart, and soul. It can be helpful to widen your perspective by accepting where you are and where you’re going. For example, you’ll always be a football player, but now you’re growing into other parts of yourself and expanding your horizons.
Get comfortable with who you are. Getting comfortable with being who you are, even in a state of change, is invaluable. In trying to find fulfillment, it’s not uncommon to chase opportunities, rush into relationships, and to grasp at things that you think might magically fill in that gap. A fundamental key in solidifying your identity is being able to sit where you are and be happy with who you are regardless of what the unknowns in front of you are. True fulfillment comes from within. Try making a list of all of the things that you like about yourself and focusing on those things as being assets in your growth.
Stop comparing. It’s easy to compare yourself to others. It’s also common to think about where you should be as compared to where you are now. Comparison robs you of energy and enjoyment. Accept your path by trying to find gratification in where are you and what limitless possibilities lie ahead. In other words, don’t let comparison distract you from pursuing your path.
Envision who you want to be. Write about a day in your dream life in as much detail as possible. Even if it seems impossible, you can take steps to help you move forward towards this vision. Plus, having a goal in mind that feels good will help you stay focused on your journey.
Set small goals. Without the structure of your sports schedule, you might feel burdened by unstructured free time. This can exasperate a feeling of not knowing who you are because you don’t have a regimented daily agenda. Try setting small goals and keeping a calendar of when you’ll work on the goals. Whether it’s reading a book a week, taking a new course, maintaining a workout schedule, or any other goal, a continuous daily investment in small goals can help keep you motivated and boost your mood.
Work with a professional. Counselors and coaches can help you walk through the process of growing into your new role by partnering with you. Not only will you have a confidential space to voice what’s on your mind, but you will also be able to identify pain points, obstacles, and strategies for growth.
If you are struggling with your identity after sports and/or you are experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety, please reach out to the Hall of Fame Behavioral Health (HOFBH). HOFBH provides a variety of wellness resources for athletes, their loved ones, and beyond. The diverse community of caregivers, including former athletes, understand the athlete experience and walk with clients throughout the process, every step of the way. Payment options include discounted self-pay rates, insurance, and financial assistance through the HART Foundation. The HOFBH concierge service can be reached at (866) 901-1241.
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFBH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245 or call 911 or head to your nearest local emergency room.