How to Overcome Blocks in Asking for Help
Misty Buck: HOFBH Athlete Mental Health Coach
Is asking for help something that makes you uncomfortable? You’re not alone. One of the biggest obstacles that many athletes face in their mental wellness is learning how to be okay with asking for help. The greatest hurdle is usually not in asking for support, but in overcoming mental blocks and beliefs that prevent you from admitting to others (or even to yourself) that there is something you can’t solve on their own.
Unlike on the football field, a block in mental wellness is internal. It can’t be seen on the outside, but it absolutely will affect how you act and feel. A block is a thought habit or belief that is a part of how you view life (i.e., how you think the world works), and it can easily keep you from being able to grow.
8 common reasons why you might not seek help:
You were taught to solve everything on your own because your culture, your family, or your sport says it's weak to ask for help.
You're holding onto the idea that athletes have to live up to the perception that they are always tough and invincible or somehow immune to “weak” emotions.
You were sensitive as a kid but were constantly told to "stop crying and toughen up."
You're afraid to be vulnerable.
You’re afraid you might let someone down.
You’re afraid of being viewed as a failure.
Your role models handle(d) all of their problems on their own.
You asked for help before and you were rejected, or it didn’t go as planned.
How to overcome these blocks in asking for help:
In all of these scenarios, the common thread is a fear of what other people will think of you and therefore it’s a block in living authentically and peacefully. As an athlete at a high level, you have to decide what type of player you want to be and own that. The same goes for you as an individual. The bottom line is that this is your life and no one else’s. You deserve to be supported. Dig deep and really own that.
While you have to be accountable for your own life, there is no law that says that you have to figure it all on your own. It’s no different than if you were to seek out a trainer or coach to help you perfect a movement, a nutritionist to create a dietary plan or a financial advisor to help you plan your strategy. Seeking out a professional to guide you through your mental and emotional space is another resource to help you be your best self.
Keep in mind too, that changing any habit is a process. Just like any new habit, it takes time and most certainly, effort. Go easy on yourself. Even if you have to do it in small steps, go for it. Every step leads somewhere. It doesn’t always have to be a giant leap.
The awesome part of working with other people is that you have full permission to take in what works for you and leave the rest. Design a team that helps you live your best life and supports you in working through the tough times.
Last but not least, if you’re having trouble overcoming these blocks, ask yourself:
Why am I letting someone else’s beliefs define how I live my life?
Why am I limiting myself to someone else’s perceptions when I know I am more than that?
What do I want instead?
What would it feel like to unpack these burdens that I am carrying around?
Tips to help you ask for help:
Accept yourself and the fact that you’re human. To put it another way, as I shared in “The Athlete Mental Health Playbook,” you’re not a machine, and even machines break and need routine maintenance. The new tire is not going to put itself on the wheel!
Be a willing participant. The only person who can ask for help and accept help on your behalf is you. Although difficult times are inevitable, things don’t always have to be the same way. Change is possible if you’re willing to participate.
Be willing to put your discomfort upfront. Many people will bury their problems into the deepest depths of their inner selves and live their lives as I like to call it, “comfortably uncomfortable.” This is when you choose to ignore the things that you know don’t feel right and so you get comfortable being uncomfortable while all that stuff that just sits there. When you seek help, look for someone who can hold a safe space for you where you can put this discomfort upfront and get face-to-face with what you need to finally heal.
Reframe your mindset with practice. Tools like practicing daily affirmations can be a powerful way of achieving a change of mindset around asking for help and accepting help. Write them down over and over (100 times a day if you have to) until it begins to sink in.
"It's okay to have emotions. I'm human."
"It's okay to ask for help with my emotions.”
"I give myself permission to treat my mental health as well as I treat my body by asking for help when I need it."
Write it down. Write down what you want to say ahead of time so that you have a script in case you get nervous when you reach out to someone.
When you need support with your mental wellness, The Hall of Fame Behavioral Health (HOFBH) is here for you. They provide a variety of resources for mental health, behavioral health, and substance use issues for athletes, their loved ones, and beyond. The HOFBH concierge service can be reached at (866) 901-1241.
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency or require emergency assistance, please call the HOFBH Crisis Line at 866-901-1245 or call 911 or head to your nearest local emergency room.